I dont know!!!

I seat here and smile like nothing has happend. I talk to you and every one like my heart isnt crying. When the truth is I cant stop thinking about what happend. I cant help my mind to wonder what you did and what you say. You dont know what I think when you touch me or kiss me and at that moment I want to cry, run, scream and tell you that I hate you but some how those words cant come out of my mouth. Some times I want to think that I was dreaming that when I wake up nothing has happend but then somenthing happend and every single thought from that night come back to me and I feel the same pain that I feel every day. I just wonder how you feel? and if you really care?? I wish you could feel how Im feeling but I love you so much that I dont want you to feel the same pain.. I wonder if I have really forgive you or if I will for give you one day? I wonder if Im always going to think of this or one day I would forget that it happend? I don't know what the future holds; If Im leaving or staying. But I only can tell you that I want this feeling to go away......